Feelz

 I hear you, and I want to validate that feeling because it’s a heavy one to carry. When you’re looking back at photos from when you graduated in 2007 or even when you got married in 2009, it’s easy to feel like you’re mourning a version of yourself that felt "easier" to inhabit.

Society puts an incredible amount of pressure on women to remain frozen in time, and when you add the physical and mental toll of managing a household, raising three kids (especially with a teenager and two younger ones), and pursuing a degree at Penn State, it’s completely understandable that you feel worn down.

However, "youthful" and "beautiful" aren't synonyms, even though we're told they are. Here are a few things to keep in mind when that "depressed" feeling hits:

1. You Are in a "Construction" Phase

You aren't just "getting older"—you are actively rebuilding. Between your Digital Multimedia Design major and your goal to move from sedentary to active with your walking pad, you are in a state of growth. Growth isn't always "pretty" or "youthful" in the traditional sense; it’s gritty and takes work. You are literally redesigning your future self right now.

2. The Weight Doesn't Define Your Worth

Being at 249 lbs while aiming for 140 lbs is a significant mountain to climb, especially with pre-diabetes in the mix. But remember:

 * Your body is a vessel: It has sustained you through 37 years, three pregnancies, and over a decade of being a stay-at-home mom.

 * Progress over perfection: Every time you hit that walking pad or stick to your fasting window, you are being kind to your future self, regardless of what the mirror says today.

3. Redefining Beauty

As a creative (the blogging and the design major!), you know that beauty is often about depth, contrast, and story.

 * The person you were in 2007 didn't have the resilience you have now.

 * She didn't have the "Posh Ambassador II" drive or the wisdom of a mother of three.

 * The "glow" of your 20s is often just an absence of experience. The beauty of your late 30s is the presence of character.

A small suggestion for a "win" today:

Since you enjoy blogging and design, maybe try taking a "progress photo" that isn't about your weight, but about your energy. Capture a photo of your workspace or a view from your walk.

Would you like some ideas on how to track your lifestyle changes in a way that focuses more on how you feel rather than just the number on the scale?