Loss processing

 I’ve really pondered my way of grieving. It’s been not what I’d expect. I’d think I would bawl my eyes out … but I was quite silent

That's a very insightful observation. The way we think we'll react to grief and how we actually react can be two very different things. There's a lot of pressure, both from ourselves and from society, to show our sorrow in a certain way—often with tears and strong emotions.

But grief is a deeply personal process, and there is no single "right" way to do it. Being silent doesn't mean your grief is any less real or profound. For some people, silence is a form of processing, a way to internalize the feelings without an outward expression. It's a way of holding the pain close.

Your experience is completely valid. However you've grieved, and however you continue to, is the right way for you.